My husband and I have been through the wringer this week. It has been one of those weeks where you wonder why Satan is picking on you so much, because what happened comes directly from Satan. Yet, for the past 48 hours I have been praying, "Lord let something good come out of all this and may you be glorified."
One of the good things that has come out of the events of the week has been that I've been thinking about a lot of different stuff (for lack of a better word) and my mind went back to my rape and my 8 weeks of hell. I thought about my attempted suicide and finally after 10 years I have realized just why I tried to kill myself that night.
It wasn't the rape, it wasn't even the miscarriage it was 19 years of feeling rejected. My whole life I have been picked on. I was picked on because I was short, because I was smart, because I didn't along with my peers. I was athletic but I liked many sports so in gym class I never excelled at any one sport (how often do you do gymnastics in gym class!) so I was always one of the last picked.
When I miscarried I felt like my child was rejecting me. I felt like my child was saying "I don't want you as my mother." That was the last straw. I was done being rejected, being treated like a throw-away.
This is why I am a counselor. I want to show people that no one is a throw-away. Even when the world rejects us, Christ is beckoning us. Christ experienced the ultimate rejection and I think He has a special place in His heart for those of that feel the sting of rejection's arrows.
Christ wants us to know that we don't have to live with those arrows piercing us. He wants to remove them. He not only picks us to be part of His family, He is pleading for us. While on the cross Jesus was saying "Jessie I WANT you! Please! Be my daughter! I want you!" (put your name in place of mine). If we let Him his love can cover the hurt we feel. The one invitation covers the 1,000's of rejections. Not only are wanted, we wanted by the King of Kings! God can have anything and He wants US!!!!
I knew all of this before this week, but this week has really cemented it in my heart. God knows ALL of me and still He wants me! God loves me, and God loves you. No matter what our lives are like, God loves each of us and WANTS us. We are not the rejected, we are the loved, the privileged. PRAISE GOD!!!
-JLP-
Praying that you feel the love the God in every step you take and that you let Him heal your hurts.
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