Not too long ago I was chatting with someone about my upcoming book and plans to travel and talk at churces/schools/colleges/conferences (I'm great, if you need a speaker, think of me! lol) and she made the comment "It seems like you are dwelling in your past when you should just move on." I disagree.
To dwell means to live or continue in a given condition or state. I am not living in my past, I'm trying to use it for the glory of God. Yes, that means I frequently have to visit it. I have to dredge up the memories of the most horrific time of my life, but I talk about it, I describe what happened, I don't linger in the drudgery. Where I am dwelling is in the peace of overcoming, of being able to use it. I linger in the joy that yes I was there, but it is no longer my home.
I love the Lord and I am so thankful for all that He has done for me. I am thankful that He was with me even when I didn't recognize Him. I am thankful that He protected me from the evil men, and from myself. I am even thankful (when I am not be selfish) that He saved my Angel from having to experience this world. Angel is right now up there playing on the heavenly swingsets and waiting for us all to be reunited someday. I am thankful that my journey, the good and the bad has lead me to where I am now, and that can only be a God thing.
Right now I have a husband that I adore, and I know he loves me right back. I have a 7 month daughter, and even at 330am sitting on the couch feeding her I am filled with an amazing love (exhaustion too) for how precious she is, and the joy she brings. I have parents that love and sacrifice for my family. I have a sister that is the most understanding, best friend a girl could have. I have in laws that have welcomed me into their family and love me. I have friends that make each day interesting, that support me, and that remind me of the beauty of this world.
I'm dwelling in a pretty good place right now. Yes, there are struggles, mighty ones, but overall by USING my past to show others that no matter what we experience we don't have to dwell in pain. The grace and peace of God, the promise of an eternity too good to even fathom is ours. All we have to do is say "Yes Lord I'm a sinner and need you. It is your work dying on the cross and coming back that allows me to have access to all that you promise."
If you ask my friends, yes I do talk about my struggles, but that I don't dwell there. I'd rather talk about chocolate, my daughter, board games, gardening and just how precious the gifts of Christ are. I use my past, sure, but I don't dwell in it. I dwell in the shelter of the Almighty who is mighty to save, generous in His comfort, and lavish in His peace.
-JLP-
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