Baby Steps

I thought that I was somewhat prepared for motherhood, and in many ways I was and in a plethora of ways I was not. I grew up around children of all ages. I love children and who (with a heart) does not love babies!?! I have a lot of experience as a child care provider (nanny, babysitter, cousin, aunt, etc) but experience can only prepare you so much. 

Experience has taught me many things I need to know: how to feed my child, what to feed my child, how to burp, bathe and change my child. I have learned many tricks to calm a fussy baby, to entertain baby and to help baby grow and develop. Experience taught me that babies grow and change quickly.

Experience did NOT teach me just how much I would love my lil Snowflake or how hard it would be to leave her in God's hands and not worry all the time. I find myself worried EVERY night. I am turning into THAT mom. I am turning into the mom that checks on her baby 5 times a night because I am afraid something is wrong if I don't hear her snoring over the monitor (I don't even really need the monitor she is right across the hall). I worry that she is too warm or too cold. 

I don't want to be THAT MOM! I want to be the mom that takes care of her child(ren), that showers them with love and discipline, that helps them grow in a nurturing way. I want to be a godly example to my children, and letting myself worry about EVERYTHING is not godly. Worry says to God "I don't trust you". I do trust God and I know that my worry isn't going to change anything. She is ultimately in God's hands whether I surrender myself to that knowledge or not. 

So, I am taking baby steps and slowly learning that being a mom is a privilege, joy and stressful. Being a mom is so much fun (but also exhausting). Being a mom is many things, but it should not be a life full of worry. I am taking baby steps to remind myself to pray every time I get worried, to remind myself that I do know what I am doing as a mom, I have a good support system of fellow moms and even more I serve the living God that loves me and loves my little Snowflake.

Just as the little Snowflake is taking baby steps every day in her growth and development, I too am taking baby steps in my growth as a mom, and it feels great! 

-JLP-