Traveling w/ Punky Jr.

Punky Jr. and Mommy are getting ready to go on a BIG trip. We are going to fly to the land of the Packers to visit some of my family. I am really looking forward to seeing my sis, brother in law, nephew and mom for a few days, but I am NOT looking forward to getting up at 3:30 in the morning to make it to the airport on time. I am not looking forward to the confined space of the airplane or the changes we have to make at 2 major airports.

Yet, even the parts I am not looking forward to as much are going to be fun because I'll be making memories with my daughter. She will probably never remember this trip, but I know that I will. I will remember the early morning snuggles. I will remember her look when she sees her Mama, cousin and Aunt again. I will remember the activities.

With all that in mind I am probably going over prepared but I believe it is better to be over prepared than under prepared. So, she has lots of food (in case we miss a flight or have some other delays), diapers, books, medicine (she is teething) and clothes in the carry-on. She has lots of cute stuff to wear in the checked luggage and while it will be an early morning and the craziness of travel we will make it a fun day, and by lunch time we will be with family!

10 years ago I couldn't imagine a day like this-- I couldn't really imagine excitedly preparing to travel, to be surrounded by strangers and in charge of someone else, in charge of a vulnerable little baby. I am so thankful that God was patient with me as I struggled with the aftermath of my rape. I am thankful that God never gave up on me. I am thankful that God was and is there for me, each and every day and that I can face the things that scare because I have the courage God gives me. Not only can I face them, but I can embrace them, I can see the joy at the end of the line and that gives me joy throughout the journey!!!

May you begin to feel the love, comfort and courage that God wants to fill you with.

Happy Advent to one and all!!!

-JP-

Christmas Joy?

A young girl grew up surrounded by friends and family. She grew up knowing that she was loved. She had a circle of support, and it was held together not be the design of the circle, but by the designer, by God. God was above the circle, below the circle and in the center of the circle. It was not an idyllic childhood or adolescence but it was a loving environment.

As a young adult she soaked up all the time with her 2 grand mothers. She just loved spending time with them, especially at Christmas. Christmas was always a special time for our heroine. She loved the traditions her family celebrated and she especially loved getting to worship the baby in the manger because He was the King of Kings, and He took such good care of her.

Then, one summer as she was in her mid 20's one of her beloved Grandmothers was taken up into Heaven to be reunited with her husband and more importantly to be at the feet of Jesus. The girl was excited for her grandma, who wouldn't be!?! Grandma was up in Heaven! Grandma's suffering was over, Grandma's loneliness for her husband was over. Yet, death meant that Grandma wasn't here anymore. Nevermore would she be able to call Grandma up and share the good news, or call her up for sympathy and a listening ear. Summer days sitting in the back yard listening to the creek or winter evenings watching Jeopardy together were over.

More importantly Christmas would change. Grandma would get to sing Happy Birthday to Jesus as she knelt  before Him, but her place down here was empty. That first Christmas was rough. It was still Christmas, the lights on the houses and the trees were still beautiful, the presents were still fun to give and Jesus' birthday cake was yummy, but Christmas was not the same.

Nothing is ever the same when someone we love dies. Death changes everything. Death leaves a void, a hole in our hearts that no surgeon will ever be able to fix, no words will ever totally soothe. Death hurts because death is the last thing God wanted for His special creation. Death makes Christmas twice as hard because Christmas is a celebration of birth, of life, of our Savior.

This year, so many of us are struggling to have a joyous Christmas. Joy to the World just seems ironic when the joy in our hearts is hard to find. Yet, God does want us to have joy. God does want us to celebrate because God loves us. God offers us hope through the pain.

God offers us a little baby. A smiling, cooing, kicking, pooping little baby. God offers us Himself. We need to keep the memory of those we love alive. We need to honor them, but we also need to let ourselves find that joy that is tucked away in our hearts behind the pain. We need to let God take the teeny tiny, itsy bitsy little fleck of joy and turn it into something that warms our hearts.

God gave us that little Baby knowing that after the angels sang, the shepherds rejoiced and the wise men worshiped, the people would mock and eventually kill. Yet, God still celebrated that night. God knew what was to come and I bet a part of Him hurt for what Christ would have to experience, yet still God celebrated.

So, even if it is just for a couple minutes in the midst of heartache, fear, worry, stress, pain, let yourself celebrate, let yourself feel the joy of the season.

May we all find it in ourselves to have a merry Christmas season and to partake of the Christmas joy of Christ.

-JP-

Why I Smile

Hi! I hear that Mommy calls me Punky Jr. here on her blog. I kinda like that. I think that it means I'm spunky and a lot of fun, which I am. I'm GREAT, or so everyone tells me. Don't tell Mommy but I am doing her blog today. I thought it would be fun, she sure seems to think writing is fun.

Today I want to talk about why I smile and giggle all the time. I smile and giggle because it is so much fun! Life is fun! During the day I get to play with Mommy A LOT, and we do lots of neat things. We go for walks where Mommy pushes me in the stroller, now that's living, though if I could walk I could go where I want to go! We also read a lot, books are so interesting. I am learning to count, learning about colors, science and fairy tales. My favorite book though is my Precious Moments book about Easter. Or maybe my Bearenstain Bears book about being sick.

What else do we do? We eat, and food is yummy. I especially love fruit, or whatever Mommy has on her plate. Her food is always yummier, so I try to get a few bites! I give her my cute smile and just like that I get a couple of bites! I also spend time in my bouncy chair thing, that is fun!!! Oh and we dance a LOT, mommy LOVES to dance with me and the way she dances is CRAZY, I think my Mommy is a bit weird, but she loves me so being weird is ok. Let's see...I'm just 9 months old so remembering things is hard. Oh yeah, I am learning how to play ball! That is fun because we can play outside and after we pass the ball back and forth Mommy lets me swing in my swing and I go so HIGH, it is like I am flying!

Oh, I think Mommy is coming and she has a bottle, so I'm going! Mommy says today is Windsday, but I think she is wrong, it isn't windy at all, it is sunny so it must be Sunday. Whatever day it is, have a happy one and remember to smile because smiles are fun!

-Punky-

Daughter- You are Loved

As a teenager I remember praying that someday God would give me a husband to love and who loves me back. I also prayed for children to call my own. I prayed to be able to go to college to earn a degree to help support the family that I yearned for.

On a momentous day in early May I earned by high school diploma and that Fall I was headed for college, God's plan for my life and His answers to my childhood prayers were beginning to be answered. Less than 1 year later it looked it was all going to end. Gigantic evil came into my life, but so did the hope of new life, in the form of a little baby growing inside me- that is your angel sibling.

1 year after I graduated from high school, my angel baby conceived in evil, but loved unconditionally, was whisked away to Heaven, to bypass this life. When angel baby died I tried to as well, but God was not finished with me yet, I still had a full life to live, and His will to accomplish.

4 years after I graduated from high school I graduated from college, yearning even more for a husband and a family of my own, for people to nurture and love unconditionally. God said "wait my child"

So I waited. I waited and I worked. I put my degree to use, and every night I prayed "Dear Lord I'm ready, please send me a husband and send us children to love, to fill our home with laughter and joy." And still God said "Not yet" It wasn't time yet, Mommy and Daddy were not ready for you.

As I grew and started to learn about patience and God's timing, all the way across the country God was working in the life of a country boy--- wild, following his own rules, but still under the control of the Father. This boy needed to grow up. So, even though I didn't know who I was waiting for, I waited. Yes, I thought I found him once or twice, but God kept saying "Not him, wait, I'll show you the one for you. Wait my daughter."

So, I waited and I prayed, and my arms yearned to hold MY child. I loved my nephew, the kids at church, special friends, but still while my arms were full, my family was not complete.

Then, one day God began to nudge me "Get up and move, the plan I have for you is not here, it is there, in the land of your ancestors." So, with much excitement, fear and anticipation I packed up, moved and started graduate school 2000 miles from Wyoming, in Virginia.

I met a plethora of godly men but still God kept saying "Not him, not him, and not even him. The man I have for you is not here." I was lonely and yearning like never before for my family to begin. I felt like I was in a holding pattern, I was ready to be a wife, to love, serve, and cherish someone, to find that best friend, that boon companion to spend my life with, to grow in grace with, to have a family with. But where was he?

Finally, God said "Here try this, he is there. Trust me, I'll show you who." And that is when I met my husband. The graduate student from Wyoming and the work hard with his hands country boy from Virginia. Not the most likely pairing, but a God pairing. The girl that in many ways felt older than her years, and the boy that took his time growing up, but it didn't take long to know that this was God's match.

An early December day, with snow just beginning to fall marked our wedding day. My dream, my prayers were answered! At the perfect age of 27 I was the bride walking down the aisle, saying my vows, kissing my husband! I was the new wife cutting my cake and escaping off on my honeymoon!

Being married was an answer to prayer, it has been wonderful. I have found my boon companion, my lover, my best friend, someone that I can be totally me with, someone that has my back and that no matter what, loves me.

It wasn't too many months later when much to our surprise the next stage in our family came to be. I was pregnant!!!  It happened quickly, but the blessing was enormous. A husband and now a child. The next months seemed to drag on, so ready was I to hold my child in my arms. We quietly celebrated our first anniversary, our 2nd  Christmas together, and then we went to the hospital.

And, the day I had prayed for for most of my life was finally here, I was holding my daughter (YOU) in my arms and sitting next to my husband! I had my family. I remember holding you and thinking "Lord thank you. It took awhile but look--- You answer prayers. I trusted you, I waited on your timing and now I have this precious daughter as proof that your timing is best."

So my little snowflake, never doubt that you are loved. Never doubt that you are wanted. Not only do Mommy and Daddy love you unconditionally but God has been planning for your birth and your life for so long. He loves you even more than we do. He is already working on what He has in mind for your life. So, wait for Him, trust Him and while you wait your Mommy and Daddy will be beside you, guiding you, loving you and supporting you as you grow into God's woman. You are loved so very much. 

There is a Time...

Since last night I have struggled to set miss Piglet down. I didn't want to let her out of my arms to go to sleep, and the first thing I did upon waking this morning was to pick her up and rock with her for a few minutes. I have just been eating up each moment I have with my precious daughter. She is such a delight. On January 5 my life changed and the change was a delight! Because I serve the Lord I am complete in Him, but miss Piglet filled a hole that God knew needed to be filled. I have always wanted to be blessed with children.

Not long after miss Piglet was born, one of my co-workers had a little boy. A precious, loved little boy. A little boy born with heart problems. After a couple months of fighting, the battle ended last night as God ushered this precious little child into Heaven.

I don't know my co-worker real well, but the pain has hit me hard. It is a very clear reminder that our days our numbered. We are not here forever, and just as we didn't choose how or when we entered this earth, we don't get to choose how or when we will leave either.

There is a time for everything. A time to be born, and a time to die. There is a time to be sad and cling to our children, and a time to be happy and dance with them. There is a time to be thankful for all that we have, and a time to dream with the Lord about all we can do for Him.  Living joyfully does not mean that we get to skip over the harder times. It means that we recognize that we are in a valley and we focus on God as we climb out. Even in the valley we can offer God a "hallelujah", no matter how broken it is, we can still offer it to Him.

For now, I think today is a time to cuddle my daughter and say "Thank you Lord. Thank you for each day I have had with her. I commit her to Your loving care, knowing that You love her even more than I do. I thank you for all the moments I've had with her in my arms, and I thank You for all the moments yet to come. No matter if there are only a few, or years and years to come. She is just on loan to us from You. I pray that you help her daddy and me show her just how much you love her and may she grow to love and serve you."

-JLP-

Praying for each of you and you have a lifetime full of wonderful memories with your family.